The Bleach Bride
by SquishyNinaChan
Summary: When Rukia hears that her true love Ichigo was killed by the Dread Pirate Abarai, she is forced to marry Prince Aizen. IchiRuki crack fic off of The princess bride
1. Chapter 1

The Bleach Bride: Chapter 1

A/N: Yes, this is basically a parody of "The Princess Bride" By William Goldman. It's kind of like…I'm writing my own version of it…with Bleach characters! I hope it's not too out of character…because I really tried to keep in character…somewhat…

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach or The Princess Bride…

Rukia Kuchiki stared longingly out her window in her small room, watching the farm boy work. That was all she ever called him, farm boy. It never really occurred to her she didn't really know his name, always farm boy. She had once known, and she thought it was a rather funny name, because it was also a berry, but she could no longer remember.

The farm boy had spiky, bright orange hair that was always dirty from having to sleep in the stables. It was quite different from her shoulder length silky black hair.

She watched as the farm boy continued to chop wood for the up coming winter. Even though it was freezing out side, and Rukia was wrapped up in a blanket sitting next to a fire (fueled by wood that had already been chopped up), the farm boy was outside in shorts and short sleeves. The shirt clung tight to his sweaty body, showing every detail of his 6 pack and other muscles he had achieved from doing everything Rukia commanded him to do.

Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he glanced over Rukia's way. Rukia quickly looked down, acting like she had not been staring. A slight crimson red colored her cheeks, and it was not because of the cold, even though she told herself it was. She was still having trouble being honest with herself.

Getting up to tend to the fire, Rukia glanced once more over to the farm boy, who kept on working. She felt somewhat guilty for making him work so much, but quickly thought of something else. She hated making him work so much like this. Rukia wasn't that bratty type girl who thought, "Better him than me". Instead, she thought the opposite, even if it was his job. It was just unfair.

Suddenly, she had an idea. Jumping up in delight, she ran outside calling out for the farm boy.

"Farm boy!" She called, running closer to him so she wouldn't have to yell. His bright orange hair blew messily across his face as he looked up, his tight shirt showing every detail in his muscles, his corners of his pink lips slightly turned upward into a small smile. He simply looked breathtaking.

Before speaking again, Rukia took a deep breath; ignoring the fact she just thought the _farm boy _looked breathtaking.

"Go…" She paused for a moment, trying to think of a warm place for him to work. "Go fix the fire again! It's dying, and I'm getting cold!"

Turning sharply, she ran back up to the house, trying to hurry to get out of the cold. Or so she told herself.

Quietly in the distance, she heard the farm boy whisper, "As you wish."

'As you wish' was all he ever said. Rukia had never spent too much time pondering over what this meant, but now, its meaning hit her all at once, like a tsunami crashing up on the shores.

What he really meant was, 'I love you.'

But did she love him back?

This, she spent the entire time thinking about. Absentmindedly, she walked up the stairs she knew so well and into the small room she knew so well. She didn't even notice when the farm boy came in and took care of the fire. But she _did _notice when he put a blanket around her.

Rukia hadn't even noticed her light green shawl had fallen off, or that it was even cold. But now that she was brought back to reality, she was very cold. Shivering, she tightened her grip on the purple blanket, and looked up just in time to see the farm boy leave the room.

Without a second thought, she said quickly, "Farm boy, wait."

The farm boy turned, with a soft look he only reserved for her, not that she knew it. His hair was still rather messy, and still looked completely and utterly breathtaking. Quickly looking around, she finally spotted something he could do. This time, she just wanted to hear him say it.

"…fetch me that chair?" She nodded over to another chair on the other side of the room. Puzzled, the farm boy nodded and said softly, "As you wish."

Smiling brightly, so much that her smile split her face, Rukia jumped up and ran to the farm boy, wrapping her arms around him.

"I love you, too." She whispered into his ear.

At first, he just stood there, but then wrapped his arms around her too, leaning his head down so he could smell her dark hair. It smelled, well, unimaginably sweet, beautiful, just like her.

… … …

Quite a few days later, after forcing the farm boy to sit down and eat dinner with her again, Rukia suddenly realized something very important.

She didn't know the farm boy's real name yet.

She had never really needed to know it, since the only time she talked to him before was when she needed something. Before, his real name would just be another thing she had to remember. Just something that didn't matter, basically. But now, that they were lovers, she figured it just MIGHT help knowing her true loves real name.

"Hey, Farm boy?" She said quietly, keeping her eyes on her food. "Now that we're…ummm...well, just what is your real name?"

She refrained from saying 'lovers' or anything of the sort. It seemed almost awkward enough without having to mention something like that.

"Ichigo Kurosaki." He said simply, and then stopped eating, staring up at her. "You didn't know?"

Rukia blushed. She didn't know how she was going to tell him that it was just too time consuming or, rather, she didn't care, to remember his name. She didn't want to make him sad or upset or anything if she just said, "sorry, I didn't care about you, so I just decided to call you farm boy and not bother to remember your name." Nope, it definitely would _not_ help improve their relationship.

"Or did you forget?"

_Which is worse, saying you never knew it to begin with or you forgot? _Rukia mused. She decided to go with the first.

"It's kind of hard to forget something when you never knew it to begin with, stupid."

"How was I supposed to know you didn't know my name?" Ichigo replied in defense.

"If I knew, then why would I just call you 'farm boy' all the time?"

Ichigo scowled and went back to eating his food. He knew it was a rhetorical question, so he didn't say anything else.

… … …

"Farm boy!" Rukia called. Even though she knew his name now, she still called him farm boy out of habit.

She had not seen him for days and was beginning to get really worried. She was low on fire wood, and the crops on her tiny little farm were beginning to die. She was even on the verge of going out there and doing it all herself.

She continued to run all about the yard until something that looked like a rather large carrot stepped out from the stables. Not noticing the said "large carrot", she continued to run until she tripped over it, flipping over about 9 feet past the stables where she had tripped.

"Um…Rukia?" Ichigo looked out at Rukia, but immediately turned around so she wouldn't see him laughing.

"You bastard! You should at least give some warning before you randomly appear!" Rukia yelled, jumping up to kiss him and his lazy carrot ass back into the stables where she would lecture him properly.

Rubbing his head, Ichigo glared back up at Rukia. "Isn't my fault you were running around screaming my name and then when I was kind enough to reply, you trip! …LIKE AN IDIOT!"

"Well, I shouldn't have had to run around screaming for you if you had been doing what you were supposed to do!" Rukia retorted, smirking at Ichigo's flustered face.

The moment didn't last for long. Ichigo's face fell, and he turned away. Rukia could feel the change in the atmosphere, and instantly became worried.

"Ichigo? Is something wrong…?" She asked, slowly approaching him. She thought about making another light hearted comment, to lift the mood, but decided it best not to.

"I have to…go to America...It's complicated," Ichigo turned to look at Rukia, watching her reactions. "I wasn't sure how to tell you, and I didn't know if I could face you after saying yes and…"

"Ok, I get it, just shut up." Well, so much for 'light hearted', Rukia thought, but smiled back at the farm boy. She knew he would get the message that she understood his feelings, and would support him.

… … …

"When will you be back?" Rukia asked, her black hair somewhat of a mess, blowing around her face. Ichigo stood with his arms around her, holding her close to his body.

"I don't know…" He said in a soft voice, trying to comfort her. He looked down at her, and wiped the tears from her face. "Just make sure you grow some before I get back," He joked. "I don't want to hurt my back from leaning down so much just to ki- SON OF A BITCH!"

Ichigo screamed in pain, trying to get his foot out from Rukia's. Smirking, Rukia left slowly, but turned to say one last thing.

"Take your precious time…" She said coldly, but then softened her expression. "But please hurry back, if at all possible…"

Ichigo heard all of this, smiling back at her. He reached up to brush his bright hair out of his face once more, to clear his vision of her small, fragile body, standing in the wind.

"I will, just please, wait for me…and I will wait for you in return."

And with this said, he turned to leave towards his fate.

A/N: Yay! I'm done! …with the first chapter…there shouldn't be any changes, since I'm planning to stick with the basic plot of the original idea. There will be a lot of scenes I added in and will be taking out, so just be prepared for that! If I take out your favorite scene, well…sorry…Please review!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just posting to let you know I'm alive!

Disclaimer: don't own…TT-TT

Rukia sighed as she stared out her window, as if expecting to see Ichigo, the hot farm boy, to come over the hills any day.

But she knew that would never happen.

Ichigo had been killed by the Dread Pirate Renji a few weeks ago. After these events, Rukia had lost quiet a bit of weight, and hardly ever slept.

The day's went by like years.

Rukia wondered how she would ever survive without Ichigo. She wondered how she ever survived before they were lovers. Those long days of torturing the farm boy, and then loving him.

"I will never love again." Rukia muttered under her breath.

It's been five years since the terrible incident. Five years without love. Five long years of nightmares; five years of not having someone to hold her, as she had been true to her word.

She never loved anyone.

But now, here she was, being introduced as Princess of Seireitei, fiancé of Aizen Souske.

Aizen was the prince of Seireitei. The current King and Queen were Byakuya and Hisane, though Byakuya only had a matter of time left on this world. He was terribly sick, and could only mumble. The only one who could understand what he was trying to say was his wife, Hisane.

But that's a different matter.

Aizen was not only the Prince, he was also the best hunter. He even had a Zoo of Death, filled with tons of animals, all of which were there for his own entertainment. The zoo had five levels: the first was for animals of speed. The second was for animals of strength. The third- poisoners, the fourth- most dangerous. The fifth was empty. To decide which animal he felt like killing that day, he would choose by a spinner, or just choose by his mood.

Wouldn't you just love your husband to be some a blood thirsty murderer that only enjoyed hunting and torturing anything that wasn't him?

Rukia knew all of these things, of course. And, no matter how much she wanted to refuse the proposal, she couldn't. The prince could choose his bride however he pleased, and if you said no, then you're more then likely going to die.

Sometimes, it sucks to be the most beautiful person in the country.

"-My people, Princess Rukia!" Rukia suddenly jumped at her name, since she was spacing out during the rest of the speech. She quickly gathered up her dress and walked out, trying to regain her composure.

Nervous as hell, Rukia scanned the crowed. A few village girls were giggling, some where glaring at her, some weren't even paying attention. She could hear a few village boys playing and fighting towards the back of the crowd. Everyone else just sort of stared at her like she was some kind of freak show.

Oh yes, the joys of being a Princess. Cause, who really gives a fuck?

A/N: I know. Short. But like I said, just posting something to let you know I'm still alive. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: RAWR!!! Why cant I post any faster T.T Im so sorry!!!!!!! Lifes bein a bitch right now…and my imagination is dying. Im wondering if maybe I should just use the same script as the movie…? But then again, wheres the fun in that? I'm doin this chappy off of memory since im currently at some gaywad place in the middle of nowhere, so im pretty sure this is where I left off…

Rukia sighed in relief as she mounted her horse; she had so creatively named "Horse". It was a white horse that she had owned since she was little. The same horse that Ichigo had cleaned so many times...

'No…don't think about him…' She thought. It hurt too much to think about the past. He was dead now and she had a new fiancé.

But she couldn't just not think about him. It was like not thinking about how the heck she was going to kill her current fiancé. It was impossible to just not think about it.

After about thirty minutes, she approached a small forest with a wide pathway. It was just along the river. She listened closely to the water rushing by, hoping for a way to forget about everything, but of course, you just have to think about certain things.

As she entered the forest, a strange man with brown hair about shoulder length jumped out in front of her.

"IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSS… PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!" He started screaming, dancing around in a circle throwing his hands up in the air.

"Ummm…" Rukia sweatdropped.

Then, two other men stepped out. One was (for lack of a better word) a giant, and the other was somewhat short.

"We are but poor lost circus performers." The shorter man said. "Would you be so kind and tell us where the nearest village is?"

"There is nothing nearby, not for miles." Rukia replied.

The short man smirked. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream." He growled. The giant walked up to her and put his hand around her neck, making her loose consciousness.

--

When Rukia woke up, the strange man who had started dancing before was quickly talking to the short guy, but the short guy wasn't really listening. The giant sat in a corner near her and was silent.

"Your awake?" The giant questioned.

Rukia nodded slightly and tried to reposition herself, only ending up throwing herself off the boat. (How? I don't know.)

"What was that?" The short guy questioned, looking up at where the princess was supposed to be.

"She tried to commit suicide, I think…" The giant said, looking down at the princess desperately trying to get back to surface.

"Help her back up then! These are eel infested waters, and it would be bad if she was eaten by an eel. Then who would we have for a dead hostage?" The short guy yelled.

The giant and the strange guy looked at each other. "You know how much sense that didnt make?" The strange guy asked.

"If he did, then he'd have to eat a cake." The giant said, that being the first rhyme he could come up with. This time, the strange guy and the short guy looked questionably at each other.

"JUST HELP ME UP YOU RETARDS!" They heard the princess scream from the side of the boat. They all quickly walked over there (because they don't have the ability to run) and pulled her up. Rukia managed to get her breath back somehow after a few minutes.

"Ok…ITTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSS…INTRODUCTION TIME! INTRO-" The strange guy started singing, but was shut up by the short guy by being pushed over and hitting his head into the wall and being knocked unconscious. Even so, the short guy could have sworn he still heard him singing.

"Ok, anyways, I'm Mizuiro." The short guy said, pointing to himself. "This is Chad," He pointed to the giant. "And the guy over there is Keigo." He pointed to the strange guy who had been singing until recently.

"That's wonderful. My name is I need to figure out a way to escape." Rukia said sarcastically.

"Sorry, that would be impossible." Mizuiro said, smiling to himself. Just then, Keigo regained consciousness.

"Hey, isn't that guy following us?" He shouted, pointing at a rather large boat a bit close to where they were.

"That's incon…incon…inconceivable!" Mizuiro screamed, then started to shout orders to Chad and Keigo. During the midst of all this, Rukia jumped off the boat and began swimming towards the strange person following them.

"Wait…where's the princess…?" Keigo questioned after Mizuiro finally calmed down.

Rukia made it to the boat and climbed up without any trouble this time. She stared up at the man that was on the boat. He had on a mask and it looked like he had an afro, but it was really just a hat.

"Good job, you got away. Now let's hurry." The strange man said and turned around.

Rukia nodded and curled up in a corner. She didn't know why, but for some strange reason, she felt safe with this man.

AN: Still short, still the worst thing ever written, we're all good. Oh well…I changed it!!! Now Rukia's with the stalker instead of the other people!!!! YAY SUSPENSE!!! …if that was even suspenseful at all…probably not…please review!!


	4. Chapter 4 finally :D

**A/N(PLEASE READ THIS. It explains a few things):** Soooo…I remember telling a couple people I'd probably be updating this within a week…and I REALLY meant to…but then I read the last chapter and realized how crappy it was, and I just felt like I made a huge mistake by changing it. Soooo…I'm changing it back to the way the original story goes (wow that makes me feel so un-original) and I'll be doing the rest off of memory, so stuff still might be different (but that's good, right???)

One last thing: this chapter WILL be short. It's only to let you know I'm still alive, and to try and make SOME progress…

Chapter 4

_Rukia looked up at the masked man in awe, trying to remember just where she might've felt his presence before._

Slowly, Rukia's eyes opened and she realized that she had not, in fact, made it to the other boat, and was slowly being hoisted up higher and higher onto a cliff (THE CLIFFS OF INSANITY!!! MWAHAHAHA…sorry..random moment there..), and the only thing to hold the four of them was a rope.

And, and even scarier thought – what the hell was holding the rope????!!!

Trying to focus on Keigo's yelling to keep her from thinking about just how far up they were, she eventually broke her promise to herself and looked down. Then she understood just _why _Keigo wanted to get up there faster.

The masked man was following them.

a/n: I'm sorry I have to end it there…I told you the chapter would be short…


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